If there was one piece of advice I have found to have the most significant effect on my life, and especially my career, it is the ability to respond rather than react to any given situation. I hear the argument that this is purely semantics and before going into detail, it is important to clear this up. It is more than mere semantics; it is something that will transform the way you live your life. Here is a list of 5 things that this technique will allow you to do.
1) you will be able to make real time decisions that fit into your life goals
2) you will be able to maintain discipline despite distractions because you will have a definite focus
3) there will be a sense of continuity between your actions that will mean your life becomes more cohesive
4) you will feel less stressed and generally more able to cope with problems in your day-to-day life
5) you will become more relaxed and easy going as the other four points all start to kick in
I am sure you read this list and think, ‘sure it sounds interesting but there is very little substance to go on here’. So far you would be right. Just before I get into the details let me give you three examples of when this response vs react skill kicks in for your benefit.
1) imagine you are at work; you have a lot on. There is a list of things to sort out for your job that seems never ending, there is also a list of things to do for your family or in your personal life that are hanging over you and meaning there is no real prospect of a proper lunch break. Suddenly your boss rings and requests an urgent piece of work for a project that you thought wasn’t in the pipeline for another few months. What do you do? If you react to this situation, you will get a piece of work in to your boss, but will it be the piece that will seal the deal, that you are happy to put your name to? The question really is when did you start thinking about the work your boss suddenly wants? Was it just then when he rings? Or was it built into the focus of your work from the moment you heard about the project, not in a manner that would detract from your other work, but in the background as a reference point for everything you did from that point on? If the latter is the case, then you can respond to your boss’ request fluidly and quickly whilst maintaining the quality of the work you produce. If your scenario is more like the former, then it is likely that either the work is not of good quality or that it will have to be late in order to be sufficient.
2) you are at home putting your baby to bed (this scenario is particularly pertinent to me as a father) and nothing you try works; you simply cannot settle your child no matter what. You recall as many self-help and baby advice books as you can, you replay endless discussions you had with your partner before the baby was born about how, despite your parents, you were going to do it right this time and stick to your principles and not have any of the issues you hear all about, but nothing is working at all. What do you do? Do you quit trying and get angry and frustrated, maybe plead, or try to bargain with your child? Do you leave them to cry and go downstairs prepared to spend a long time listening to an upset child before weariness overtakes misery and the child falls asleep? Do you remain focused on the concepts of parenting you have discussed with your partner and tweak them to try and suit the situation? Maybe you don’t do any of the above, but chances are if you do anything along the lines of trying to work out an underlying cause through to maintaining discipline and relying on your calmness to prevail then you are responding and not reacting.
3) you have taken your friends for a walk on the moors, the weather is perfect, and your plan is to walk a short distance, maybe a few miles and have lunch at a pub with a good reputation. However, just as you reach the top of a hill there is a sudden fog that descends upon your group who find themselves suddenly lost and without a map or appropriate clothing for a situation that is getting decidedly cold and clammy. Do you press on regardless and trust to luck? Do you stop and wait for the fog to clear? Do you backtrack to try and get to the cars? This is a classic situation that will be improved by response and not by reaction.
The main things to take from this process areas follows.
Firstly, it is crucial to think ahead. When I say think ahead and not plan ahead this is a distinction made purposefully. It is important to simply hold the potentials of any situation in your mind and allow the connections to be made with other projects or ideas going on. If this becomes a solid plan at any stage, then it ceases to have flexibility and therefore cannot be adapted easily as part of a response scenario. This thinking ahead is crucial for responses to take over reactions to unforeseen situations.
Secondly, it is crucial to allow yourself time to think, actively count to 5 before answering in order to collect your thoughts. By doing this you are allowing yourself to mentally backtrack though key information stored as part of the thinking ahead process in order to help the process of formulating a response.
Thirdly, it is important to remember that whenever you manage to truly respond to a situation, even of the response is not perfect, it will not make the situation worse, whereas a reaction is more than likely going to result in a worsening of a situation by adding an uncontrolled set of actions on top of the initial problem.
By following the process of thinking before speaking, weighing options from the start (this means from the point you first hear about something rather than when the first request based on this comes through), you can begin to become far more effective in any situation. You no longer worry about decisions, you can embed a large-scale theme into real time decision making and maintain focus, structure, and objectives by keeping a larger picture in mind, one that has been considered prior to the real time event. Ultimately it allows you to engage effectively in every decision you have to make in your life and make the decision one that will work for you rather than either against you or in a way that ceases to be relevant to the larger picture.
Shevek Pring 